stuart james beall

In the pre-dawn morning, while driving to my workplace, my Jeep Grand Cherokee hit this skunk. I knew it was a skunk when the spray was sucked up into my cabin. The odor came through the vents and onto my shirt. The smell was horrible, and it seemed it couldn’t get much worse. I was wrong. You can see some of the skunk guts smeared on the road.

I soaked my work shirt in vinegar for 3 hours, which killed the bad odor in the shirt. If it was an old shirt I didn’t need, I might have thrown it into a dumpster.

My poor Jeep. I did a self-service brushless car wash, spraying out the bumpers, wheel wells, wheels, engine compartment, inside hood surface, door frames. That helped, but it wasn’t enough. So I went through an automated car wash, where it completed an under-carriage wash. That was helpful, but it wasn’t enough. I drove the car for 30 minutes in a rainstorm, through puddles of standing water. Left all the windows open overnight, to take advantage of the ozone-freshened air. Better still. I wiped off my dashboard, my front seats, and even replaced the cabin air filter. Inside the cabin, the bad smell was virtually gone.

Outside, there was a faint trace of skunk spray left. It doesn’t take much at all to annoy me. But life goes on, even for skunks. How’s that? The influence it would have on me was just getting started.

I passed by that dead skunk almost every day, hoping someone would remove it. Animal control won’t bother; let it rot. The carcass appears to have been run over, smashed a few times since I took this photo of it.

The skunk has two anal scent glands, which can emit a thiol mist long after the animal has died. Some carry rabies, or other dangerous bacteria.

Hard to imagine anyone sane would want to personally dispose of a dead skunk. Except the killer. In this case, that would be me. I felt guilty waiting for someone else, and did the deed myself. I used a grocery bag and a folding shovel. And my poor Jeep.

That shovel was a big disappointment. It was supposed to be compact enough for travel, but sturdy enough to scoop things. I’ve carried it for years in my trucks, but never really used it until I tried to scoop up the dead skunk. It pivoted or flopped both ways.

I managed to fold the dead skunk into a more compact form, and rolled it into the shopping bag. Then I laid the bag on a floor mat, in my poor Jeep. I left all the windows open.

It was less than a 5 minute drive to my neighborhood dumpster, and that dead skunk smell was almost emetic to me. I tried to breathe slowly as I drove the Jeep. I planted my shirt sleeve across my nose, and held it tight.

I’ve smelled dead mice in a heating duct, all night long, but the skunk was worse. I’ve smelled a trailer load of rotten potatoes, but the skunk was worse. I’ve smelled rotten eggs up close and personal, but the skunk was worse. I’ve smelled feed lots, strewn with fresh cattle manure, but the skunk was worse. Meat packing plants, poopy diapers, cat litter. I’ve smelled pig pens, and a variety of animal pens at fairs and zoos, but the skunk was worse.

I flung the dead skunk into the dumpster, and parked the Jeep in my driveway. I could still smell the skunk in full force, from my clothes. I asked my wife to bring me the hydrogen peroxide, and she was having trouble with that simple request. She asked, what’s going on?

I had skunk spray all over me. I was suffering. Hurry! My son finally brought me a spray bottle, but it was almost empty. Get me the big brown bottle! They couldn’t find it, even though it was obvious and plain to me.

I had to stumble my way around my wife and her wheelchair to get into my bathroom, grab the bottle of hydrogen peroxide, refill the sprayer bottle, and get myself outside.

I sprayed my shovel, I sprayed my floor mat, my shirt, pants, boots, my hands. With the hydrogen peroxide, I found micro-cuts on my hands that I wasn’t aware of. I put my clothes into the washing machine, and ran the allergen cycle. Of course, my conservative wife wanted to add more clothes to make it a full load. Nuts on that.

I got into the shower, with body wash and a loofah pad. Scrubbed myself top and bottom. Put on fresh clothes.

I kept looking for something to eat, to get the nasty taste out of my mouth. Chocolate? Not helpful.

Now every time I smell cannabis smoke, fresh garlic, roasted coffee beans, or the sugar beet plant in Nampa, it triggers my scent memory. Like some people get flashbacks, I get smellbacks. Traumatic smell memories.

My poor Jeep. I had to wipe every seat, every door handle, door panel, the entire dashboard, with hydrogen peroxide. It was about time to do some deep cleaning, but it wasn’t enough. My strangely brilliant son suggested we get some earwigs [Air Wicks].

I don’t normally care for chemical scents in diffusers, but I was getting an attitude adjustment. I thought of Bath & Body Works. My son was already using one of their air fresheners in his bathroom. So we went to Bath & Body Works, and purchased some plug-in diffusers, with orange scented smelly stuff.

That was a great idea. We plugged it into the Jeep inverter, and let the engine idle for about 30 minutes. It was helping!